Which is not to say I’m looking for a crazy girlfriend; I’m not. I’m not looking for any girlfriend at all right now, as I have one girlfriend already with whom I am thrilled and delighted and quite happily in love. And as we’re polyamorous – or perhaps I should say, as we’re in the process of exploring and discovering what polyamory means to us in the context of our relationship – each of us remains free to think about whom else is out there that we might like to love all up, and to be open to such others should they appear on our horizons. My girlfriend has a thing for red-headed guys, for example. And right now I’m thinking about crazy girlfriends.
I’ve long thought I’d like to be in the thrall of a woman who was the right kind of crazy. I see crazy as a form of power. Which I guess is ironic: I suppose that being crazy entails a certain lack of control, rather than any abundance of it. But having a crazy girlfriend would entail a lack of control for me too, and that’s precisely what appeals to me about it. I love the idea – at least while it remains safely in the idea stage – of loving a woman over whom I have no control, over whom I couldn’t ever hope to have any control even if I wanted it (which I don’t think I would), from whom I never know what to expect. Because my never knowing what to expect from a woman places me at her mercy.
I’m being reminded of this desire of mine right now – over and over – by the book I’m reading: The Stupidest Angel, by Christopher Moore. Molly’s nuts, and she knows it. She hears (and converses with) voices in her head, and sometimes finds it difficult to distinguish her own personality from that of Kendra, Warrior Babe of the Outland – the character she’s best-known for having played in her former career as a B-movie actress. And she sounds just dreamy. Her husband, Theo, loves her like mad too, and partly because she’s crazy:
There had been a time, during his bong-rat years, when Theophilus Crowe would have stated, with little reservation, that he did not like surprises, that he preferred routine over variety, predictability over uncertainty, the known over the unknown. Then, a few years ago, while working on Pine Cove’s last murder case, Theo had gotten to know and fallen in love with Molly Michon, the ex-scream queen of the B-movie silver screen, and everything changed. He had broken one of the cardinal rules – Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself – and he’d been loving life ever since.
There’s so much to this, so much to think about, that I don’t know which tangent to bounce onto next.
For one thing, she’d have to be the right kind of crazy. I don’t have any fantasies of being maimed or murdered. Having to beg a woman I love to not actually do either of those things to me, however, is fantastically appealing; I’ve been having those fantasies since I was eleven years old. I would just much rather be successful in my entreaties.
Another thing to consider is the ways in which having a crazy girlfriend would impact my other relationships. What if, for example, I have an important date with another of my girlfriends scheduled for precisely the time my crazy girlfriend is having a meltdown? Yikes. Not that this couldn’t happen even with a relatively un-crazy girlfriend…but I’d think that if one’s girlfriend was well within the loony zone, the likelihood and the seriousness of such an occurrence would be exponentially higher.
Yet another thing to think about is her happiness. A woman who’s arguably crazy is probably not very happy when she’s having an episode of especial craziness. Though, because I know I get turned on when a woman is angry with me, and I also know that a woman who’s angry is not happy, I’ve already got an approach in place that allows me to thrill to her anger while at the same time doing my best to bring her back to Happyland. This approach consists of the following:
1. Thrill to her anger while at the same time doing my best to bring her back to Happyland.
2. Repeat Step 1 until Happyland is attained.
I imagine that would be the best approach to take with a girlfriend who’s unhappy because she’s flipping-out crazy too.
Let it here be said also that I wish craziness on no one. I just think I could probably love some craziness that might already be out there (no pun intended).
I’m sure that having the love of my consummately not-crazy girlfriend emboldens me to think about getting involved with someone more wacky. My girlfriend is so very grounded, and I am so comforted, and grounded myself, by that facet of her, that I feel like, if i was with someone of far less predictable behavior, I’d know I have a safe (and sane) place to go to relax and regroup. That makes the prospect of a, um…more turbulent relationship all that much easier to consider.
I don’t feel like i’ve brought this post to any conclusive kind of conclusion, but as I’ve now been working on it, on and off, for somewhere in the neighborhood of ten hours, methinks it be time to rein it in and hit “Publish Post.” Here goes!